been thinking alot more of current. the tears still flow endlessly. dear God, I just don't understand anything at all. I don't know why am I doing all these still. each day, I live my life, I trudge each day not knowing, and I still can't comprehend anything that is happening. life's been going on so quickly for me over the past 2 - 3 months. it's been a roller coaster. it's like I've been all over the world. but at the end of the day I lay in my abode and pray. I know there is a purpose to everything You've given to me this year. her, problems, greater resposibilities and more tasks to complete in such a short time.

sometimes I wish You would take me away from all these that i have to face with each day. I want to do so much more than what I am doing now. the only thing that's keeping me from being sucked back in the pain is by doing more than I ever had. but somehow I feel like I've shirked myself of responsibilities that I tasked to do. sometimes I wish whatever I do, would impact one person in one way or another, just like how you and You did for me. each day I lie in my bed. and so many images of the past just fills my mind. I hate myself for doing so and I'd wish I could turn back time to change everything. but nigh is never and chances are never around enough for us again.

sigh. I don't wish to drag this on anymore. but for the sake of this choir. there are things that has to be done. and even though I'd still give him a chance. but circumstances and attitudes are never kind. just like how fate is with us. but no matter what. I still respect you as man, but not as a conductor. the truth is unbearing. but so is life with everyone. I don't wish to have to do this. but the inevitable is always searing and never kind.

God, I feel so tired from life. I really am. from life, from love, from responsibilities and from myself. I want to be in a dream again. with You and you. but father lord. I know at the end of all these. all these trials and tribulations that I must endure. You would reward me. You would change me. and You would release me from everything that I am enduring now.

and so I make a little prayer. that You'd hear and a love song I sing to you. amen.